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關(guān)于阿蘭·德波頓的名人名言哲理格言警句語(yǔ)錄 - 每日文摘
阿蘭·德波頓 英國(guó)作家

阿蘭·德波頓(Alain de Botton),英國(guó)作家,1969年出生于瑞士蘇黎世,畢業(yè)于英國(guó)劍橋大學(xué)。著有小說(shuō)《愛(ài)情筆記》、《愛(ài)上浪漫》、《親吻與訴說(shuō)》及散文作品《擁抱逝水年華》、《哲學(xué)的慰藉》、《旅行的藝術(shù)》、《身份的焦慮》等。

我們想要的不是物質(zhì),而是背后的情感反饋,這賦予奢侈品一個(gè)嶄新的意義。下次你看到那些開(kāi)著法拉利跑車(chē)的人,你不要想“這個(gè)人很貪婪”,而是“這是一個(gè)無(wú)比脆弱、急需愛(ài)的人”,也就是說(shuō),同情他們,不要鄙視他們。
這就是為什么我們?nèi)绱嗽诤跏聵I(yè)和成就,以及看重金錢(qián)和物質(zhì)的原因。我們時(shí)常被告知我們處在一個(gè)物質(zhì)掛帥的時(shí)代,我們都是貪婪的人。我并不認(rèn)為我們特別看重物質(zhì),而是活在一個(gè)物質(zhì)能帶來(lái)大量情感反饋的時(shí)代。
不一定是你我的母親,而是一個(gè)理想母親的想象,一個(gè)永遠(yuǎn)義無(wú)反顧的愛(ài)你,不在乎你是否功成名就的人,不幸地,大部分世人都不懷有這種母愛(ài),大部分世人決定要花費(fèi)多少時(shí)間,給于多少愛(ài),不一定是浪漫的那種愛(ài),雖然那也包括在內(nèi),世人所愿意給我們的關(guān)愛(ài)、尊重,取決于我們的社會(huì)地位。
勢(shì)利鬼的另一個(gè)極端,是你的母親。
今日最主要的勢(shì)利,就是對(duì)職業(yè)的勢(shì)利。你在派對(duì)中不用一分鐘就能體會(huì)到,當(dāng)你被問(wèn)到這個(gè)21世紀(jì)初,最有代表性的問(wèn)題:你是做什么的?你的答案將會(huì)決定對(duì)方接下來(lái)的反應(yīng),對(duì)方可能對(duì)你在場(chǎng)感到榮幸,或是開(kāi)始看表,然后想個(gè)借口離開(kāi)。
對(duì)那些來(lái)訪牛津大學(xué)的外國(guó)友人,我有一個(gè)壞消息,這里的人都很勢(shì)利。有時(shí)候,英國(guó)以外的人會(huì)想象,勢(shì)利是英國(guó)人特有的個(gè)性,來(lái)自那些鄉(xiāng)間別墅和頭銜爵位。壞消息是,并不只是這樣,勢(shì)利是一個(gè)全球性的問(wèn)題,我們是個(gè)全球性的組織,這是個(gè)全球性的問(wèn)題,它確實(shí)存在。勢(shì)利是什么?,勢(shì)利是以一小部分的你,來(lái)判別你的全部?jī)r(jià)值,那就是勢(shì)利。
現(xiàn)在或許比以前更容易過(guò)上好生活,但卻比以前更難保持冷靜,或不為事業(yè)感到焦慮。今天我想要檢視,我們對(duì)事業(yè)感到焦慮的一些原因,為何我們會(huì)變成事業(yè)焦慮的囚徒。不時(shí)抱頭痛哭,折磨人的因素之一是,我們身邊的那些勢(shì)利鬼。
我提出這件事是因?yàn)椋艺J(rèn)為不只有我這么感覺(jué)。你可能不這么認(rèn)為,但我感覺(jué)我們活在一個(gè)充滿(mǎn)事業(yè)恐慌的時(shí)代,就在我們認(rèn)為我們已經(jīng)理解我們的人生和事業(yè)時(shí),真實(shí)便來(lái)恐嚇我們。
我經(jīng)常對(duì)事業(yè)感到恐慌,周日下午,晚霞灑滿(mǎn)天空,我的理想和現(xiàn)實(shí)的差距卻是這樣殘酷,令我沮喪的只想抱頭痛哭。
The nightmare thought is that frightening people is the best way to get work out of them, and that somehow the crueler the environment, the more people will rise to the challenge. You want to think, who would you like as your ideal dad? And your ideal dad is somebody who is tough but gentle. And it's a very hard line to make. We need fathers, as it were, the exemplary father figures in society, avoiding the two extremes, which is the authoritarian disciplinarian on the one hand, and on the other, the lax, no-rules option.
I think it's merely the randomness of the winning and losing process that I want to stress, because the emphasis nowadays is so much on the justice of everything, and politicians always talk about justice. Now I'm a firm believer in justice, I just think that it's impossible. So we should do everything we can to pursue it, but we should always remember that whoever is facing us, whatever has happened in their lives, there will be a strong element of the haphazard. That's what I'm trying to leave room for; otherwise, it can get quite claustrophobic.
So, I'm going to end it there. But what I really want to stress is: by all means, success, yes. But let's accept the strangeness of some of our ideas. Let's probe away at our notions of success. Let's make sure our ideas of success are truly our own.
So what I want to argue for is not that we should give up on our ideas of success, but we should make sure that they are our own. We should focus in on our ideas, and make sure that we own them; that we are truly the authors of our own ambitions. Because it's bad enough not getting what you want, but it's even worse to have an idea of what it is you want, and find out, at the end of the journey, that it isn't, in fact, what you wanted all along.
And we also suck in messages from everything from the television, to advertising, to marketing, etc. These are hugely powerful forces that define what we want and how we view ourselves. When we're told that banking is a very respectable profession, a lot of us want to go into banking. When banking is no longer so respectable, we lose interest in banking. We are highly open to suggestion.
And the thing about a successful life is that a lot of the time, our ideas of what it would mean to live successfully are not our own. They're sucked in from other people; chiefly, if you're a man, your father, and if you're a woman, your mother. Psychoanalysis has been drumming home this message for about 80 years. No one's quite listening hard enough, but I very much believe it's true.
Here's an insight that I've had about success: You can't be successful at everything. We hear a lot of talk about work-life balance. Nonsense. You can't have it all. You can't. So any vision of success has to admit what it's losing out on, where the element of loss is. And I think any wise life will accept, as I say, that there is going to be an element where we're not succeeding.
What I think I've been talking about really is success and failure. And one of the interesting things about success is that we think we know what it means. If I said that there's somebody behind the screen who's very successful, certain ideas would immediately come to mind. You'd think that person might have made a lot of money, achieved renown in some field. My own theory of success -- I'm somebody who's very interested in success, I really want to be successful, always thinking, how can I be more successful? But as I get older, I'm also very nuanced about what that word "success" might mean.
Not for the sake of our health, though it's often presented that way, but because it's an escape from the human anthill. It's an escape from our own competition, and our own dramas. And that's why ween joy looking at glaciers and oceans, and contemplating the Earth from outside its perimeters, etc. We like to feel in contact with something that is non-human, and that is so deeply important to us.
Our heroes are human heroes. That's a very new situation. Most other societies have had, right at their center, the worship of something transcendent: a god, a spirit, a natural force, the universe, whatever it is -- something else that is being worshiped. We've slightly lost the habit of doing that, which is, I think, why we're particularly drawn to nature.
The other thing about modern society and why it causes this anxiety, is that we have nothing at its center that is non-human. We are the first society to be living in a world where we don't worship anything other than ourselves. We think very highly of ourselves, and so we should; we've put people on the Moon, done all sorts of extraordinary things. And so we tend to worship ourselves.
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